


You don't mess around with Jim

by ladyofdecember



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Cute, Fluffy, Food, Gen, M/M, Replicators, Star Trek: TOS, mckirk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-07
Updated: 2018-04-07
Packaged: 2019-04-19 19:59:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14244657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyofdecember/pseuds/ladyofdecember
Summary: Just a short drabble with Kirk and Bones and replicator troubles, could be read just as friendship or as romantic. I wrote with the original series actors in mind but could be AOS as well I suppose. Written based off the song You Don't Mess Around With Jim by Jim Croce.





	You don't mess around with Jim

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know, this was just something I wrote when recovering from a back injury and kinda on some heavy medications. These two are such silly characters together, I just wanted to write something cute.
> 
> "You don't tug on superman's cape  
> You don't spit into the wind  
> You don't pull the mask off that old lone ranger  
> And you don't mess around with Jim…"  
> -You Don't Mess Around With Jim by Jim Croce

It was about mid afternoon when James T. Kirk was coming down the turbolift to the level 7 break area, fresh off his Alpha shift and looking for a certain country doctor. As the doors whooshed open, the captain was greeted to an empty area, slightly darkened until he stepped foot inside and the automatic sensors' lights came to life.

'Funny... I thought he'd be here.' The blonde thought, shrugging to himself as he made his way to the replicator to make himself a quick snack.

He let his mind roam to the good doctor, his long time friend and colleague and just how disturbing it was that just the thought of the older man's smile made his chest flutter with joy. He smirked to himself, shaking the feeling off as he punched in the codes for a chili cheese dog knowing full well he'd get an ear full from the man if he were to find out.

The machine spat out an angry sort of beeping tone at him, refusing to process the order. Kirk frowned at the replicator and began to smack the side of it in frustration. “What's the matter with this thing?”

He tried the code again, certain he was remembering the right one only to be refused once more. Feeling defeated, he tried a different code for a simple slice of apple pie. Now this code he was sure was correct!

Once again, the machine angrily beeped at him and flashed it's lit screen in warning. He heaved a huge sigh and began to pout, thinking about just how hungry he was. The sound of the elevator from behind him however, immediately lured his attention. Ah, yes! Whoever was coming down to use this thing would surely be able to help him out!

The doors opened and out stepped a cranky Leonard McCoy.

'Ah, crap!' Kirk thought as the man marched over to him.

“Having some trouble there, Jim?” The doctor cocked an eyebrow at him as he took in his captain's expression with a twinkle in his eye and a slight smirk.

“No, no. No trouble at all. What are you doing down here?”

Bones made his way past Kirk to fiddle with the replicator. “Oh, just came down to get a cup of coffee. You know... a nice afternoon pick-me-up!”

The man pretended not to notice Kirk's inquisitive gaze over his shoulder as he hid his smug look from him and focused on punching in the code for a coffee. The machine responded right away, preparing a hot cup for the doctor in what seemed like only seconds.

Bones spun around, mug in hand, cheerful smile on his face. “Ah... nothin' like it!”

Kirk seemed a bit shocked the machine had actually complied with his request but he tried to hide his expression. “Oh, uh... I was... having a little trouble with it. But I suppose it's working now.”

He smiled at his friend, gesturing to move past him towards the replicator to try once again to get something to eat. The captain wasn't a fool. Surely, the doctor had blocked his access for certain codes and foods. He wanted him to focus on eating healthy and he'd probably grown tired of him ignoring the advice. No matter. He'd simply get something the man would approve of.

Kirk began entering the code for a small side salad, sure that this would be the correct option so the doctor would get off his back for a little while. When the machine angrily beeped and buzzed at him again, his patience began to wear out.

He slapped at the side of the red, metallic machine and angrily swore.

Bones watched pleasantly from behind. “You alright there, Jim?”

“No! No, I'm not, Bones! This blasted machine won't give me anything!”

“Oh... maybe it's the codes you're entering?”

Kirk spun around, a dark expression taking over his face. “Now, you listen here, Bones! You have something to do with this, don't you?!” He began stepping forward closer to him, pointing a finger in to his chest in accusation.

Bones kept a level head, a small smirk on his face as he set his coffee down and allowed the captain to maneuver him backward. “Why, I don't know what you're talking about!”

“You do! You shut off my access!”

“Maybe you're entering them wrong.”

“Maybe?! What?!”

The doctor halted their semi-dance, holding his ground as he placed both hands on his hips. Kirk was stopped at once by the suddenly serious look being unleashed upon him.

“Now you listen to me, Jim! I didn't come down here for coffee! I came down here because the system alerted me you were trying to eat chili dogs and other such nonsense! You are under direct orders to restrict your diet and eat better or else!”

The blonde seemed to lose all ferocity as he glanced around everywhere but into the older man's eyes. He shyly tried his standard way of dealing with most people, he began to flirt with the good doctor. “Why, Bones, has anyone ever told you just how blue your eyes can be? They look like deep pools of emerald-”

But Bones was having none of it today. “Yes! You have! Literally every day since I've known you! Jim, you are going to stick to this diet or so help me!”

Kirk rolled his eyes, heaved a big sigh and relented all at once, knowing an argument with Leonard McCoy was one he would never win. “Yes, doctor. Now will you reactivate my access so I can eat something?”

“No.”

“No?! Come again?!”

The doctor crossed his arms defiantly. “No, I don't think I will. I think I'll leave it deactivated for a while. You can report to me anytime you want to eat and I'll order the items.”

“Oh, Bones, really-”

“Do you need reminding of Starfleet orders-”

Kirk sputtered indignantly. “No, I don't need reminding of the orders! Fine, Bones, I relent, okay?!”

Bones sipped at his coffee smugly. “I'm glad we could come to this agreement.”

The man stared at him in annoyance as he continued drinking the hot liquid. Finally, he reached over and punched in codes for an apple and a small salad. 

“Have a good meal!” The doctor said as he got back in the lift and headed back to sick bay.


End file.
